Crabapple World (2009) by Bill Stutzman

Words and Music by Bill Stutzman

You Can’t Keep Me Down

You can beat me up and you can batter me ’round
It ain’t the first time I’ve been kicked around.
Leave me high and dry or bend me to the ground
But you can’t keep me down.

You can dress me up or you can dress me down,
Make a fool of me or make me your clown.
Take my name and drag it all through the town
But you, you won’t keep me down.

You can’t keep me down.
Do your worst, put me in the ground.
You can’t keep me down,
And it’s not that it don’t hurt, it might, but that’s alright–
I’ve news that’s so profound you can’t keep me down.

I’ve been a king one day, the next day lost my crown.
Been the black sheep and I’ve been lost and found.
I’ve been left to sink or swim and I got drowned.
But you, you can’t keep me down.

You can’t keep me down.
Do your worst, put me in the ground.
You can’t keep me down,
And it’s not that it don’t hurt, it might, but that’s alright–
I’ve news that’s so profound you can’t keep me down.

I’ve made my share of mistakes, I’ve caused many a frown.
I’ve been where silence was the only sound.
I’ve carried burdens weighing many a pound–
All I know is you can’t keep me down.
You can’t keep me down.

Copyright 2009, Songsmith Stutzman Music/Bill Stutzman

Girl on a Fishing Boat

Past the Aleutians
She’s up where the cold saves
Seeking solutions on the waves

If you should see her
Salt in her sand hair
Keep her from freezing from despair
‘Cause I’m not there.

And I can’t hold back
And I can’t hold on
And I can’t take back the words that are gone.

Look past the callous
Dig out the sharp barbs
She don’t know malice, only scars
And those are ours

And she can’t hold back
And she can’t hold on
And she can’t take back
The words that are gone.

Up past the dark light
She’s looking for sunshine
For day after midnight, but she’s still mine. She’s still mine. She’s still mine.

And we can’t hold back
And we can’t hold on
And we can’t take back
The words that are gone.

Copyright 2009, Songsmith Stutzman Music / Bill Stutzman

Hard to Say

You and I been searching in these desert lands
While the people all around us drink the sands.
And I could use a little hills and plains
Where they don’t think we’re so crazy trading sunshine in for rain.
We put our roots down in this desert clay
Trying to get some green to grow–to keep those cactuses from showing
And like sitting in this volcano and holding out for snow
Things could be better, could be worse–it’s hard to say.

Jeff and Addy told their daddies they were headed south
And so they packed their car and gave us word of mouth.
And we were looking for more hills and less plains
So we set out to the West to start things over once again.
Desert life got hot, and they couldn’t stay.
They’d been warned that it’d be tough,
But they got going when things turned rough
And then some things were said, some other stuff
And all we gave was not enough
Things could be better, could be worse–it’s hard to say.

Bloom where you’re planted
Takes this for granted:
I’m a little desert flower
Look so sweet but smell so sour.
I get cared for just the same
And tear drops water much like rain.
We’ve got our life, we’ve got some health
And I’ve got you–that’s more than wealth.

We put our house in order
Fixed the fence and garden borders
Then we packed our things and waited on the Lord.
And we weren’t asking for the hills or the plains
Just a little shorter drive time and more shade trees down the lane.
Months went by with our lives on display
Living half in the garage–we never made it out of Dodge
It was like getting all dressed up but then forgetting the corsage
Things could be better, could be worse–it’s hard to say.

Chorus/Bridge

I’ve heard it said that there’s no palm trees around
And there’s downhill skiing just up north of town.
And one man’s desert is another’s hills and plains
And as long as we’ve got desert we know someone can’t complain.
Things cool off again and the apples fall away
And life goes on ready or not
When you’re hot they say you’re hot
And I’m not sure now if we are but still we’ll give it all we’ve got
Things could be better, could be worse–it’s hard to say.
Things could be better, could be worse–it’s hard to say.

Copyright 2009, Songsmith Stutzman Music / Bill Stutzman

Crabapple World (Fly)

“Oh, no! That stuff is for the birds,” she said.
“No, it shouldn’t take machines to realize your dreams
That’s why we’re tethered here instead.”

“Don’t tell me,” I said, “you haven’t had that dream yourself.
You feel your feel lift off the floor,
Spread your arms and start to soar
And leave your worries on the shelf.”

And I don’t know why I’m running
Or if I even have to ask.
But still I want to rise above these trees
And dream the dreams that never come to pass…

I want to fly.
And you won’t even catch me if you try.
Something inside is waiting on the word.
I’m longing for the freedom of the birds
And I just want to leave this Crabapple World.

These trees–they look so lovely in the fall.
They tell me there’s some kind of meaning
When the blossoms that were teeming
Go from sweet to sour things.

And I don’t know why I’m running
Or if I even have to ask.
But still I want to rise above these trees
And dream the dreams that never come to pass…

Chorus

It’s too strong to be fancy, and too universal too
There must be something better here that we were meant to do.
And I can picture Adam, and all around him all of nature sings
Until he reaches out his hand to touch the fruit that takes his wings
From the crabapple tree.

Chorus

We walk on dappled sidewalks in the fall
There’s something beautiful and fragrant
On the sacrificial pavement
Like a skyward beckoning call.

Chorus

Copyright 2009, Songsmith Stutzman Music / Bill Stutzman

Daylight

I don’t know if she wants the things that she says she’s wanting.
But as I’m hearing her talk, I know that her words will haunt me
If she goes, if she goes.

And I don’t know if she needs the things that she thinks she’s needing.
But it’s too much to take as I bend and she breaks from pleading.
But she knows. She knows.

That I’ll be fine when she’s fine
And we’ll be alright now.
And she’ll be fine when she finds
Finds the daylight.

There are times in this life she don’t want the one she’s given.
And just getting by don’t seem like the same as livin’
But who knows? Who knows?

And I’ll be fine when she’s fine
And we’ll be alright now.
And she’ll be fine when she finds
Find the daylight now…
‘Cause it’s been dark a little bit too long–
Flourescent fallout and incandescent harm.
She was made for the sunshine and a song
And when she comes back her smile can keep me warm.

And I’ll be fine when she’s fine
And we’ll be alright now.
And she’ll be fine when she finds
Find the daylight now…
‘Cause it’s been dark a little bit too long–
When she comes back her smile can keep me warm.

I don’t know if she wants the things that she says she’s wanting.
But as I’m hearing her talk, I know that those words will haunt me
If she goes, if she goes.

Copyright 2009, Songsmith Stutzman Music / Bill Stutzman

Dad’s Guitar

Little James can still remember the sound of dad’s guitar–
In a flimsy 60s cardboard case, a 12-string Yamaha.
He must have played with passion, he must have played with skill.
Because the memories remained long after dad’s guitar lay still.

Soon James was playing soccer and baseball just for fun–
A thousand new activities, and daddy’s at each one.
Little James could never know there’s a thousand dreams on hold.
With his future all before him, can’t see daddy growing old.

There’s a time for everything
Different songs for different days
There’s a time for you to chase your dreams
There’s a time for you to stay.
Sometimes the dreams come easy
And some days you just survive.
Contentment’s when you understand the seasons of your life.

Soon James went off to college with a guitar all his own.
He might have chose a different dream if only he had known.
But his daddy shared with him a lie they didn’t know he told–
That dreamin’ might make dreams come true
To have and then to hold.
If his daddy could have told him, his daddy could have seen
That a man can’t hang his hopes upon another man’s dream.

Chorus

All those years of sacrifice, all those years of pain.
Were there moments wondering if it was all in vain?
The kids are gone but flimsy case and memories remain
He picks it up. his worn out hands remember how to play…how to play.

Been married over 30 years–’bout seen and done it all.
But he never met Bob Dylan or played in Albert Hall.
But with his family he’s got no regrets, and one thing he does know:
That sometimes putting dreams on hold’s the way to reach your goal.

There’s a time for everything
Different songs for different days
There’s a time for you to spread your wings
There’s a time for you to stay.
Sometimes the dreams come easy
And some days you just survive.
Contentment’s when you understand the seasons of your life.
Contentment’s when you understand the seasons of your life.
Contentment’s when you understand the seasons of your life.

Copyright 2009 Songsmith Stutzman Music / Bill Stutzman

Judge and Jury

I said left and you heard right
I wasn’t looking for a fight
And I’m not saying that’s what you want either.
I watched you circling all night,
And we rubbed shoulders once or twice
But all I managed was a guarded “Hi, there.”

We got our signals crossed again
You said you felt you could not win.
I never meant for it to be a contest.
We’re neither one good at pretend
We can’t just say, “Let’s just be friends,”
And with a word put all the past to rest.

And you’re not the judge of me,
And I won’t be your jury,
But judging by this mess I’d say we’re blessed
If we can just be free.

In point of fact we’re much the same
We’d like to say no one’s to blame
But we both know the truth is not that clearcut.
To let it go would be a shame,
To keep it up would seem a game
And I’m not ready yet to throw my hands up.

‘Cause you’re not the judge of me,
And I won’t play your jury,
But judging by this mess I’d say we’re blessed
If we can just be free.

And I learned a little while ago
That I just won’t please you though I want to.
And you must have felt a little while before
That I just wouldn’t understand the things you do no more.

I checked the message one more time
Just to feel that salty brine
Rub its way into my open wound some.
Don’t know if things will turn out fine
But for a while each crooked line
Is a straight shot to a heart that’s lonesome.

And you’re not the judge of me,
And I won’t play your jury,
But judging by this mess I’d say we’re blessed
If we can just be free.

Play the Man (Martyr’s Song)

Play the man.
Play the man.
If it’s the end,
Let’s make our stand
And play the man.

Here we’ll stand
Here we’ll stand
Hand in hand
They light the brands
Yet here we’ll stand.

Let’s light a flame that will not go out.
God willing we will remove all doubt.

So let us laugh.
Let us laugh.
This fiery bath
Will be our last.
So let us laugh.

Let’s light a flame that will not go out.
God willing we will remove all doubt.

Play the man.
Play the man.
If it’s the end,
Let’s make our stand
And play the man.

Copyright 2009 Songsmith Stutzman Music / Bill Stutzman

Pulitzer Dream

I had a dream last night
It kept me up until first light
It left me wondering if you were still alright.
I saw your photograph
And from the page those eyes that used to laugh
And dance stared back with Pulitzer-like pain.
But they were long since out of rain.

Your posture said it all
In the corner wrapped up in a ball
And everything the way he left you in the fall.
When all you have is gone
You finally see that all along
The things you thought might pull you through could still betray
And there are no more words to say.

What happened to you?
Was it a dream or was it true?
You probably don’t need rescuing–
And not from me even if you do.
But what happened to you?
You had a dream and now it’s through.
Compromises come with prices–
And now your time’s run out on you.

We quickly packed out things
There wasn’t much that we could bring
I left my baggage once with you and it still stings.
And still we sought you out
Came to your world of fear and doubt
And like a Dali painting all that should be solid was melted down
And you were melted inthe ground.

What happened to you?
Was it a dream or was it true?
You probably don’t need rescuing–
And not from me even if you do.
But what happened to you?
You had a dream and now it’s through.
‘Cause compromises come with prices, babe–
And now your time’s run out on you.

I had a dream last night
It kept me up until first light
It left me wondering if you were still alright.
I saw your photograph
And from the page those eyes that used to laugh
And dance stared back with Pulitzer-like pain.
But they were long since out of rain.

Copyright 2009 Songsmith Stutzman Music / Bill Stutzman

War Stories

I figure you’d about seen it all
The Roaring Twenties, Great Depression, and the Second World War
From Model-Ts to TVs, SUVS, and T-Mobile and more.

Old California had it all for you.
And in your stories I would say it had a lot for me too.
But I’m afraid Old California passed away in the night with you.

And now the rest of your stories must remain untold.
And the ones that you gave me have become much more precious than gold.

And if I close my eyes
I still hear stories of your days gone by.
I fish for memories as the ripples ride
Across Lake Tahoie in my mind.
Wish I could see you just one more time
To sit and listen and just laugh and cry.
I’d love to bask some in your glories–
Your life, your loves, your old war stories.

I saw a photo from your striking youth.
I recognized the same sparkle in your eyes that I knew.
The black and white wasn’t right–I’ve heard your eyes were absolutely blue.

With brilliant blues we will remember you.
And grandma tells me at the end they had that same placid hue.
Was she seeing the reflection of the gates you were ’bout to walk through?

‘Cause now the rest of your journeys must remain on hold.
But the one that you just finished is the one that’s more precious than gold.

Chorus

And you never complained–I never heard you complain
You only gave yourself away.

Good food and photography
Driving and geography
Engineering and machines
Family life and nature scenes–
It all comes flooding back.
It all comes flooding back.

Chorus

Copyright 2009 Songsmith Stutzman Music / Bill Stutzman

Looking Tamara

Tamara talks like the first time we met long ago
And I hadn’t noticed just how much she could say in hello.

It seems that she should have all these soul mates flying all around her.
Do I wish it was me when I catch her dreaming of more?
Where were these thoughts before?
I tell myself it’s not what it seems, but everything I see looks Tamara now.

Tamara walks with a step that seems soft like a whisper.
And nothing has changed but these eyes that for so long looked past her.

It seems that she should have all these soul mates flying all around her.
Do I wish it was me when I catch her dreaming of more?
Where were these thoughts before?
I tell myself it’s not what it seems, but everything I see looks Tamara now.

Oh, she says so much more in “hello.”

It seems that she should have all these soul mates flying all around her
And from out of nowhere comes the one who’s always been there,
And now it’s perfectly clear
That even though I missed her some how
Everything I see looks Tamara now.

Copyright 2009 Songsmith Stutzman Music / Bill Stutzman

Heal the World

Head in hands–heart on the ground
Her golden strands like sunlit waters tumble down
They can hide her tears, but not the sound
Of questions in her ears cascading all around
And like all things this too must pass
All her teardrops won’t send sand up through the glass
And she’ll remember how to sing before too long
But she’s forgotten now, and that’s why I sing my song.

To be official–to take the stage
The artificial warmth of lights upon my face
Is so alluring–but it can’t replace
The reassuring peace that comes with your embrace.
And like all things this too must pass
All my daydreams won’t send sand up through the glass
I can’t stop singing now–the feeling is too strong
You overwhelm me, and that’s why I sing my song.

Open my eyes, ’cause I can’t see
What’s always been there standing right in front of me.
You wanna heal the world? Tell me what to bring.
As for m.e, whoa, there’s healing when I sing.

La-la-la. Na-na-na-na-hey-hey. Whoa-whoa-whoa, sha-la-la-la-yeh-yeah

We’re not alright–it’s not all wrong
To fight the good fights and in weakness to be strong
Sing songs of good guys and villains too
Sometimes I’m both of them and can’t tell what to do.
And like all things my time will come at last
I’m better off now with that sand down through the glass
And I’ll keep singing–it’s the place where I belong
You turn my tears to joy, and that’s why I sing these songs
Have mercy on this boy, I can’t help but sing your songs.

La-la-la. Na-na-na-na-hey-hey. Whoa-whoa-whoa, sha-la-la-la-yeh-yeah

Copyright 2009 Songsmith Stutzman Music / Bill Stutzman

All Things New

Little child starts up in bed
Night of terrors, night of dread
Looking for the dawn ahead
To break through to all things new.

Woman waking up alone
By someone she thought she’s known
When it hits her deep she growns
For what’s true–for all things new

All things new
All things new

One man lives a life of ease
Next man dies in poverty
Shaded by the same crabapple tree
And so what’s new

I’ve got some place in mind
If you seek me you will find
I’m okay to leave some things behind
For what’s true–for all things new.

All things new
All things new
All things new

Stuff of Heaven, stuff of earth
A mix of much more lasting worth
I’ll be water, you’ll be wine
And I’ll be yours if you’ll be mine.

Yours in sickness, mine in health
Ours in poverty or wealth
Death still takes us all by stealth
Until all is new.

I’m waiting for that day
When these chains will fall away
I can taste it now each time I pray
For all things new.

All things new
All things new

Stuff of Heaven, stuff of earth
A mix of much more lasting worth
I’ll be water, you’ll be wine
And I’ll be yours if you’ll be mine.

Copyright 2009 Songsmith Stutzman Music / Bill Stutzman